I Used to Think Emotional Intelligence Was Soft
There was a time I prided myself on being “rational.”
I could stay calm in high-stakes meetings. I didn’t get caught up in drama. I could switch off emotion when needed. I thought that made me emotionally intelligent. It didn’t.
What I’ve come to realise—both in my own life and in coaching dozens of leaders—is that true emotional intelligence isn’t about staying calm or avoiding feeling. It’s about learning to feel everything… and still act wisely.
3 Learnings from my Leadership Path
I. Emotional intelligence begins with your relationship to yourself.
I’ve seen this over and over—in myself and in the leaders I coach.
The ones who lead with impact are the ones who’ve done the deep inner work.
They’ve learned to be with their own mess. They don’t outsource their self-worth to the approval of others.
And because of that, they lead from steadiness, not performance.
II. Validating feelings ≠ validating ideas.
This one changed the game for me in relationships.
There are plenty of opinions I don’t agree with—but I’ve learned not to dismiss the emotions behind them.
You can say “I see how hard that feels for you” without agreeing on the solution.
And often, that’s all someone needs—to feel seen, not solved.
III. They know it’s not about them.
I used to listen while planning my response. Now, I try to listen for what’s underneath.
High EQ leaders can hold multiple perspectives without shrinking. They’re not the centre of every story—they’re a witness, a collaborator, a guide.
They’ve learned the power of presence over performance.
Compound Insight:
Emotional Intelligence compounds when you stop reacting—and start relating.
To yourself. To others. To the moment.
What does emotional IQ look like—for you, in practice?
Not just in theory. But in your next conversation, your next disagreement, your next big decision.
The work starts on the inside—but it never ends there.
Stay steady,
— Jed